The Real Israel

the business study mission to israel concluded on a tired note this afternoon. we were travelling across the country at break-neck pace, stopping at different cities, different hotels every night. but israel needs to be visited, because it calls for other important perspectives, which would never get unless we experience them for ourselves.

a place so wrought with political tension, yet so resilient to it all. their motto of ‘you knock us down and we will come back at you twice as strong’ is inspirational to say the least- it’s exactly what makes them tick. the thing on every one’s minds: the economic prosperities of singapore and israel (after all a school course we had to discuss all this!) 2 different models of economic growth: one where the government is the sole provider and the other where they go out of their way not to rely on the government. we had a great debate about this when we were leaving Israel, getting into Jordan. Lots of blaming the father of the nation and more defending him for his policies. ( I never felt much for this land. It’s home and it provides and I am thankful. I don’t want to get messy with the politics. I don’t feel I belong anyway)

on retrospect, i must say this trip was more about rediscovering my wanderlust. i had fun running about after hours explorin the cities by night. the euphoria of being in a foreign land, learning and interpreting their ways – trying to live like them and walking through their everyday alleys is a rush in itself. granted this short trip did not give all that, it refreshed my mind on the glorious 5 months spent in europe. anyway here are some more pictures – not all, just some.

Petra

Plead the Fleeting Moment to Stay

These days I think a lot about the future.

A LOT.

I feel the weight of the end of a life’s chapter looming ahead of me and as much as it excites and envigorates me, I am scared. Scared ‘cos the life I want for myself may not be achievable. I wonder at super humans out there who seem to be able to do it all and that too, effortlessly. I secretly wish that there is something that they are lacking or missing out on. You win some, you lose some… right?

I try not to think about the numerous grievances that I have over the past 4 years. Every time I regret, I remind myself not to limit my mindset to the here and now. It’s my life… everyone can have opinion on it but in the end its mine to live. Which brings me to the headache of the moment. I absolutely envy all my friends who have minimal or no family attachment. You ask me what’s my biggest distraction, that’s it: family. I’m not sure if 20 years on I would look back at my selfish 22-year-old self and say that family was all worth it. If Indian movies or soaps are anything to go by, sacrifice for the greater good (family) is lauded highly. I’m not sure if I can do all that.

My mother has been showing me pictures of guys and all, and well, as much as I appreciate the fact she is ‘introducing’ me to people, I don’t think I want this right now. Especially when I am not sure what the outcome would be. Just for friendship or a more than friends relationship, I can deal with. But nothing more than that. I am too comfortable with my brand of freedom. I want to test to its limits; push myself in a job to the hilt. Too many new experiences ‘cloud the model’ – as my econs prof would put it. Too many variables, too much chaos.

Is this too much to ask?  (Don’t bother answering)

Ideally, I would like to really work for the next 5 years in the communications (journalism/media/PR/corporate relations) industry and get my hands really dirty with it all and then, perhaps settle down.

oh well. just a thought. an incomplete thought for now.

Je Souhait…

Mais quand Mini rouvre les  yeux, elle sait bien ses reves ne se realiseront pas dans la vie. Et alors, elle est triste.

Un jour, Mini en a parle a sa maman qui s’est mise a rire et lui a dit:

<<Mais, Mimi, tu as plus de chance que les autres, tu sais faire un peu tout. Cela vaut mieux que de savoir tres bien faire une chose et pas du tout les autres.>>

– Mimi est la meilleure, un livre pour les jeunes a partir de 7 ans

Moving On

The walls of my memory divides the thorns from the roses…

When things have gone awry, its time to move on. If you tried to fix it and things don’t change for the better, maybe its time to wash your hands of it and think of something else.

Roshni, you can’t be a hero all the time. You tried and well, every one has their limits to tolerate. The best you can do is be civil and be there for her if she needs you.

Make new friends. Learn from your mistakes. Just don’t get hurt.

——

On another note, I read in a newspaper column yesterday that there are 3 ingredients to a successful relationship (BGR) or a marriage.

1. Good, mentally stimulating conversation

2. Comfortable with each other in public

3. Good sex or the sexual feeling

Seems quite right to me… The other things that you would want would be embedded somewhere in these 3, right? Something to chew on…

Musing at Midnight

I am a completely selfish, self-absorbed, self-loathing, self-destructive individual.

Isn’t the mind an amazing thing? The things it makes you believe and the things it makes you doubt and fear. I sometimes feel like so many different people reside within me, fighting to have a say in what I (the eventual physical performer of the action) eventually do. How do you appease everybody? I sometimes end up just pandering to the needs of the most selfish person present then.

‘A good day only becomes perfect if you can share it with someone else’

- The Coma, Alex Garland

That little line really struck me last night.

I tend to isolate myself from people, hoping that my morose behaviour might not cloud their sunny outlooks on life. I am a lousy friend and a terrible daughter.

Is there such a thing as needing a lot of space and yet craving that human connection? Isn’t that a problem?