Introducing Roshni – 22 Years Is a LONG Time!

I am in a particularly bloggy mood this cool, breezy Monday morning and the largest most complicated topic I could think of immediately to talk about was.. ME. Man, War on Terror and Global Warming just lost out…
I am not trying to sound complex here but sometimes, what I say and do are just reflections of the multiple identities I have to appease. So this goes out especially to my native Singaporean friends or to those who are generally kay-poh (curious in Singapore slang). Understanding me.

Disclaimer: Its fucking long. Apologising in advance for the number of braincells that will contemplate harakiri at my pointless writing.

Born in Ernakulam, Kerala, India, I am ethnic Konkani. As Wikipedia says (heh),

The Konkani people are a group of people who speak Konkani

Konkani people are of Indo-Aryan origins, who initially settled up North but have migrated down the coast due to wars and incursions. Most Konkani people are bilingual as they are not concentrated in any part of India but spread across the Western coast and learning the language of the area allowed them to adapt and assimilate. Hence, depending on the dominant group of the area, they developed a unique set of rituals, customs and dialects. The konkani my parents speak has influences of Malayalam in it since they were brought up in Kerala. Our religious customs have also been influenced significantly by Hindu Malayalee custom to a certain extent. (Similar to how Indians in Singapore give out yellow packets with money to their kids during Deepavali/Diwali. I was always sad I never got them)

So that makes me a South Indian Konkani, right? Well, yes.. but then, many also ask me,’Do you all still have the caste system? You must be in the highest caste or something…’

Though the Indian constitution has outlawed caste-based discrimination, sadly, the caste system still does exist in India in some areas. Generally, it provides for affirmative action to the previously disadvantaged castes but it is a spectre that hangs over any discussion in Indian society or politics. It’s pretty ridiculous in this day and age but a lot of Indians prescribe to it (especially when it comes to marriage), regardless of whether they are in India or have been living away for a while. Just look at the wiki on ‘List of Indian castes’ you will be amazed at the mindboggling list. For the record, I am a Gowd Saraswat Brahmin (GSB). It is a sub-sub-sub sect of the broad category of Brahmins. So if I am being really rigid about who I marry, I am closed to fucked if I am supposed to find this person myself.

Honestly, if I were to go into further detail, it would not only be confusing but start sounding almost crazy.

So, up to here, that makes me a South Indian Cochin GSB Konkani. And I may not be the same type of Konkani as the Konkani next to me. Yes yes, I know that is very superficial sounding but you must read to the end to see what I am getting at.

So as far as ethnic groups ( I hope I got the categorisation right) are concerned, that’s me. Then comes the tricky business of identity and fitting in when my parents decided to come to Singapore to raise their kids. Ah Singapore! Racially tolerant, all-accepting. A young rising nation in the 80’s when India was still mired in its Socialist ways. Singapore had a good number of Indians (expats and locals), many temples, a flourishing Indian enclave and yes, the all-Indian-uniting Mustafa. I’m not sure, but I do suppose some Indians may have come to Singapore with the great happiness that they can find a piece of India here through good ol’ Mustafa.

I came here when I was 2? I am not exactly sure since I spent close to 3-4 months in India every year before I enrolled in primary school. I have a lot of my childhood memories running around by the river at my paternal grandparents’ village and quarrelling in Malayalam with the servants at my maternal grandpa’s house.

Coming here, you have to deal with the idea of being a Singaporean Indian. Jostle with the preconceived ideas of what it is to be a race of people who oil their hair, who are generally hairier than the average Chinese family, who speak loudly with large gestures.. But I have to say that, since I am fairer than some Indians, I never had it that bad at school. Also, I was a fairly good student and I was an adamant child when it came to oiling my hair. NO! NO!! NO!!! But honestly, I have an oil bath every weekend now.. better than any leave-in moisturiser you can find on the market.

I took Tamil as a mother tongue in p-school as hindi was not offered then and Chinese was not option for me to take because it was not my MOTHER TONGUE. Well, if you were being sticky, Tamil is not either! Then again, I could have done Malay but my mother thought there was more use in doing an Indian language if we were to ever return to India (ooh another blog-worthy topic!). So Tamil it was! And thank God I didn’t stink at it though I never spoke it besides at school. I picked up Hindi as a child when I was in India and later, because of the 3 hindi cable channels we subscribe to my mother can never let go of India completely. And as Tamil is the big sister language of Malayalam, I do understand and speak a pidgin Malayalam. Trust me, most Indian people can speak at least 2 languages.

Through primary and secondary school, I can say I had a somewhat mixed bunch of friends. But come JC, I was fed up with Indians and just stuck around with the chinese people. Well, I didn’t have a choice in VJ. Then it followed into SMU and now I realise I don”t know many Indians. Oh bother. Liddat how???

As I think I may have said before, with all these experiences, its difficult for me to put myself in a particular hole. What I mean is that I find myself increasingly looking at things in a global sense, of course sometimes with glasses the shade of an Indian brown. I hope that little spiel helps clarify where I come from, in all senses. Don’t get me wrong. I love who I am and all the craziness involved but it helps to make it clear that not all things can be described black and white and categorised. Even I don’t understand why some things are like that. They just are.

This is especially so when it comes to the topic of interest at the moment:

my godknowswhenitsgoingtohappen marriage.

I just read something about dating outside the indian circle at a forum dedicated to Indians and Indian issues at www.sepiamutiny.com. Awesome website if I may say so. But then again, that is something for another day. Way too tired from having written so much.