EMO!

Yeah, dunno why.

Clowns

So there was this clown who loved to make people laugh. He wasn’t much different from other clowns but he always felt a bit more special than them. He loved the fact that he could make people happy. He made them laugh til they teared and they always looked out for him in his garish costume. They joked with him, sometimes at him, but he took it in his stride. He was the clown after all. Everyday, the clown would go out into the circus ring and in his own way, make every one happy. Everybody at the circus loved the clown because he was always so happy.

Every night, as the people returned to their homes, happy that they had a good day. The clown would also return to his home. He would sit in front of his mirror and remove his clown makeup. As he stares back into the mirror, he would let out a sigh. As though with that sigh,  he could remove some of  the emptiness inside him.

I make people happy all the time. There is nothing more important than that.

Yet, why do I feel so sad ?

L.A.Z.Y

Right now I’m emo-ing. Listening to Ne-Yo. Completely ignoring that I have a test this week. Okay, it is week 5 and yes, I have been lamenting about the fact that school is moving too fast for my liking. I think for an SMU student 24 hours is really not enough.

My day yesterday was a typical about how I ration my time among everything important. Woke up at 7. Had an uber heavy breakfast of cornflakes and juice (usually breakfast is just the newspaper fumes) and traipsed down the school for a Ambassadors’ meeting at 10am. Pretty uneventful. Came to the conclusion that my president was doing his version of the national day rally.

Then, rushed down for dragonboat training at 12 noon. I am veryhappy to announce that I have become stronger, my strokes are cleaner and I am getting the hang of it AFTER A YEAR. I am actually enjoying it a lot more. And I am no longer the worst! Got freshmen who know nuts and are quite ‘gu niang’! Nursing a back ache now after training but its general training related aches and pains.

With respects to exercise, I’m pretty sad that I cannot run as much as I wanted to after the injury to my foot after the AHM. But I’m working on other ways to up the cardio workouts. Thanks to the FREE spinning classes in school, I am now doing some spinning as well. SO UBER STRENOUS BUT VERY FUN. Now, I’m just hoping that my mid-section gets tired enough to drop off me as soon as possible.

After training at 230, rushed off home to eat, shower and dance in front of the tv. They were having some Indian dance competition and they were playing a coupla of my fav songs. I think I really wanna take up dance in the future. Once I get a bit more fitter. I’m so horribly ungraceful – good to learn a bit of that.

Then at 415, I rushed off to Holland Village, Essential Brew, for the High Tea with D.Ser Event my club was organising. We were so lucky to have gotten D and she was AMAZING. She came in her own capacity and talked to us very candidly about media, journalism in Singapore, women stereotypes… the list goes on. The setting was wonderful; cosy and intimate – like a little women’s bitchfest. Imagine our coffee sessions, Trish. I think the girls who came completely enjoyed themselves. We had some post-grad students come down as well. NICE! What came as a beautiful surprise was when one of the post-grad students asked ‘Who is in charge of the marketing for this club?’ Well, when I introduced myself to her, she was full of praise for the ad campaign I did. Tres happy!

Yeah, and that all ended ard 730pm. After which, I hopped onto another bus to go watch a movie with my family. Nice indian movie. Very very funny. One of the rare few that come by. Watching it reminded me of my family back in India ‘cos I remember watching the prequel to this with them.

There you have it. Things that I have to give time to. Not including studying and the language courses I am taking.

So news of the week: I dropped a course.

My reason I have no time for myself n I need to prioritise. In SMU when you drop a course in the 4th week, you get a W on your cert but it doesn’t affect your GPA. It just looks well, ugly. I thought a B3 on an all A cert in the O levels was ugly but it didn’t affect me. Plus, there is this fear about what prospective employers would say. Anyway, I think its time to reconfigure thinking. This whole term I have been telling myself to be out of the rat race. Been close to being sucked into it again. Avoiding it all, I feel lighter and happier this term. This blog is becoming so narcissitic but aiya, got no special bf to write about.

So I guess this term is going to be about me.

It’s official, people. I love Men.

You know how it is… every now and then I do stop and ask myself some random questions. Sometimes useless, but most times, they reassure me of who/what I am. And so, one day, while the sun was out and everything was bright and gay, I asked myself if it could be possible that I were not straight.

I think it came at a particular time when I was just out of secondary school. 10 years of single sex schooling does warp your thinking a bit. I think it is especially so when you were in a school which gave you all the right to challenge the establishment and reminded me at 16 that I had to sit with my legs together and be polite because we had a reputation for behaving like ‘bull dozers’. And green horned and totally unschooled in my behaviour towards the smellier sex, I entered the co-ed system with great fear.

I had to fear as I knew not how to act around these hairier and some how less appealing other half. I have to be honest. There were times when I was completely oblivious to the fact that they existed until I heard a male voice ask me for my notes in math class or something. I think I was pretty comfortable with the notion that the world could run without men. Having said that, I did have contact with guys besides my father, my uncles and my teachers. But somehow in my mind, they took the place of ELDERS. Oh whatever!

So there I am thinking, maybe I am not straight and i started looking at girls. But nothing grabbed my attention unless they wore an amazing pair of shoes or looked as though weight was a non-issue for them. But then, I did get turned on while watching the L word a coupla years later which is when I thought, Oh dear… I could be bisexual. Which was a terribly disturbing thought since I was getting no attention from either sex. I think it would be terrible to be bisexual and not have anyone love you since hey, you have wider choices now…

But I am glad I have made it clear with myself. I appreciate beauty. Both masculine and feminine. But of course, for the benefit of those who have no clue where I am heading, I am glad I lean straight.

I love men.

Je serai aller en France, mes amis!

I hope I got the grammar right. Eve, Kat? Ca va?

Hi Roshni!
Congratulations! Your initial application to ESC-Rouen is successful!
Please allow me to explain that the exchange programme to ESC-Rouen is over-subscribed. However, our partner university has opened up more spaces to welcome our applicants (as the exchange balance is in our favour). Nonetheless, please note that Rouen’s has limited on-campus housing & off-campus residence options. So please be prepared to source for your own housing if you are ready to accept this offer. We’ll work with you & our partner university to assist you as much as we can.

Kindly let me know by 13 Sep (Wed), whether you’ll like to accept this placement, so we can nominate you to our partner.

Once they’ve accepted you as our nominee, more information will be provided on their application procedures. Let’s work closely together to make this exchange happen for you!

Cheers!
Ying

Too happy! Sorry for the late post in this. Had a ‘fuck-i’m-part-of-this-rat-race’ attack yesterday. Don’t worry… it’s all still blue skies albeit a tad bit cloudy. Perfect picnic type of weather in Roshniland. I’m thinking ahead. More later. Rushing off.

Toodle doo!